the rain

Let's listen to the rain together

Let's listen to the rain

We'll sit curled up under a blanket

And listen to the rain

For the window is open

It's warm outside

Come under this blanket

Don't need to cry

Let's listen to the rain

As it washes our sorrows away

Pip

It's weird, this feeling. There's nothing I've felt ever like it. Of course, I love Gordon, but it's in a completely different way. For him it's an attraction, a love for who he is, an acceptance of all his faults and greats, and a knowledge that he loves me the same. But with Pippin there's something deeper. It's as if my soul has found its purpose, like there's a piece of me that's detached from the main body of my essence, but not painfully. Instead it's just created another being, emerged and bloomed into another heartbeat. It's a wholesome, unfathomable love that I cannot begin to explain without saying that - "I'm a mum." For me that means everything now. For me, that is my whole existence. I matter. I have meaning. And that meaning is Pippin.

moving on

Tumbling

The world started

Crumbling

And I found myself

Stumbling

Into a void

Crying

I found myself

Dying

As I kept on 

Trying

To fix things

Breathing

I began

Wheezing

As my heart became

Freezing

To the touch

Falling

I felt my fists

Balling

As you were 

Calling 

Me those names

Accusing

I felt I was

Losing 

There was so much

Abusing

My wellbeing

Mistaking

I felt I was

Breaking

But instead I was

Awakening

Into a new world

Weeping

I looked down at him

Sleeping

And knew that I was

Keeping

This new life

Angry

My heart shatters

And I lie awake

Thinking of all the things that

Led to my mistake

I can't sleep and

I can't rest

My head is filled with do many

Unwanted pests

Your words fill me

Like cold and scorn

They make me feel like

I'm old and worn

Like I deserve the

Thoughts that you

Accidentally or intentionally

Put me through

It's strange it was

My words that harmed

And now your words are

Carrying alarm

I'm finding it hard

To defend you still

As my friends all consider you

Not fitting the bill

The bill of a friend

Good, right, true

Instead you have proven that

You make me blue

I've shed tears here

Just for you

But you probably don't care

Would tell me no.

No that crying

Is just manipulation

That I would be doing it

To get compensation

Forgive me please

But this is why I'm so

Frustrated, irritated, overwhelmed

And I'm ready to blow.

Truth Relative

Hearts break

Souls shake

I made 

A mistake

Can't you see

All that we 

Have made

Together

You said that

I said this

You got mad

Mightily pissed

My truth hides

As yours hits

Perspective 

A game of wits

Liar liar

Was I called

When truth I gave

Unresolved

Sorrow and tears

Terror, scare

You said things

That I can't bear

But because I remember this

And you remember that

And truths relative be

Hearts broke

Anger awoke

And listening

Is a dream 

nude

Naked
I stand here
Bare for you to stare at
Holding my head high
As you judge my form
Your eyes are scrutiny
Taking in my limbs
My face
My torso and curves
We you have thousands of others
Like me from
Country to country
Age to age
Because it took time to gain
All we have now
My breasts are held
For your eyes to glare at
My womanhood exposed

31st January 2020

When it feels like the end of an era

When it feels like trust has been betrayed

When it feels like nothing will be the same again

As we separate, as we loosen ties, against our will

No written constitution to speak of

This country is made of many parts

But numbers count, numbers win, they say

"The will of the British people."

But how much will can you really see

North of the border we're angry

North of the border we wanted no change

But north of the border are so few

Voices are hardly heard

With a government divided and sorrowful

With devolved parliaments shedding tears

With a joy that only old men celebrate

This is a new era indeed