Box

On Monday I bought a box
It was a long box with a good fitting lid
Little brass handles at the sides
And it felt sturdy so I knew it would not break
On Tuesday I went to the bench
It's under an old oak tree with grass around
It's where we first met with dogs in tow
And we laughed when we met there again
On Wednesday I went out for dinner
It was with my friend Shirley. She was kind
She bought the meal for me and I said
How generous you were, how you always had let me finish your dessert
On Thursday I went shopping for food
It was strange walking the aisles alone
When I don't know where everything is
I had to ask for help
Friday I looked at big stones
They were by the waterside and I smiled
But just a little,
And I nodded a little as words were said
But I didn't care what type of stones
Only that they were there,
That I had to choose one to have your name carved onto it.
On Saturday I went to talk about things
We sat in a circle and nodded at nothing
My belly bulged but nobody made comment
I'm thinking that the name "Martha" will fit
Sunday and I'm with the box again
Walking forwards, with it behind me
I can't help them carry it because of my belly
But I know no one blames me
I sit and listen to the words
Even make a few myself.
All the words about you
And how you effected our lives.
How you will never see your daughter's face
About what you were like
Before you ended up inside that box
And I think about my week - the bench, the meal, and the box. I think about my life now, and what it will be, without you
But then I look down and there you are.
A part of you. A part of me. Part of both of us. Us.
Ready to enter the world.
Soon, coming soon. And I will love her so much. As much as I love you.
As much as I loved you.