Eating trifle in a corset

Its so fucking hard.
I can't bloody breathe.
I am trying to eat this nom nom yum and I
Cannot find the matching g-string to this vice
Around my breast
My chest
Eating this sweet sweet nectar of the gods.
Hello. Ambrosia. Your name is of providence
Custard so cold but so yellow
Cream and jelly
Undertones of a fruitiness that defies the laws of nature
So sweet
King of Kawaii would bow down
Yet here I am
Choking to death
Regretting the decision
To tighten this corset
As the Christmas cheer smears around my face
Sherry trifle
That I was once afraid
Would make me drunk
With a single bite
Now I am sitting. Sexy. Skinny.
Eating trifle in a corset.

Stars

Diamond in the sky is falling
From the sky
They are memories not a cold light
Full of wakefulness and life
Don't tell the stars to fade away
Because it won't be easy.
No, no.
It won't be fucking easy.

Lustful

The terrible twisted irony
When the fact you have guy friends
Help you deal with
A possible rapist
Of your unconcious body
As they thirst over you
They look at you
But they stop the man who comes
And tries to take you
For utter advantage

As it is.

Life is as it is.
The world turns around
It goes upsidedown
Then back to front
And side to side
Tilting the earth
Changing the tide
The moon exerts dominance
The sun gives way
Then seizes back power
To bring back the day.
This is life as it is
On our rock twirling around
Side to side
And upsidedown
Again and again and again
On poles and an axis
Our world
Our earth
Our weary lives played out
For gods' benefits
Tiny players in a giant game of chess
Lead me to rest
I want to sleep
And then we begin all over again.

Sea and Sky

Contortion
What do I do
Do I climb the thread of injustice?
Do I scale the cliff of righteousness?
Do I realise I am a sick unforgiving bitch
Dying
Soaring
Underneath as these Icarus wings make me
Dive
Down to the depths of the sea

Hell to You

Fucking hell
I burned in those days
I burned
So much
Lots and hells and effortless
And I was hurt
So hurt
Help me oh lords
Hell hath no fury
Like this hades
No no no
Let me go
I am so drunk
I know I am drunk
Oh hell
My past is hell

Nothing

Cooperation
Procrastination-
Eat until your face is stuffed
You're going to be bloated,
Uniquely qualified
To drown a goat in a moat
Of soap

Fem-pocalypse

K-kill all the men.
Never see them again.
Take their sperm when their born then
Kill all the men.
Bash their heads against the rocks
Crying FEMINAM LIBERO.
Female freedom again and again
Crying
Kill all the men.
They've ruined the world enough and tough
Now its our turn to rise
Biddies and bitches and braids
Come onto Liberation train.
Kill all the males and take a knife
Cut off their balls with a slice.
Keep them cold until we need
And use dildos, splendid, to keep us
Satisfied.

I'll be gone some time

Stop. Pause. Go. No.
Hate. Fate. Wait at the
Gate.
I'm going on a
Date.
It's date. Don't be late.
Albeit this
Attitude. Gratitude.
Stop loving me.
No. Go. I said. No.
Hate my life. I-
WANT HIM GONE.
Make him go.
Now. How. Not my problem.
Just make him go.
More uncommon that you know.
Sow. The seeds.
Did he go?
Dead. Said. He said she said you said that I said.
FALL.
DOWN.
Down down down down down down down down down down down down down down down down down down down down
Down
Down down
D. O. W. N.

Do?

Do I dare
To admit defeat and give up my passionless life?
Should I
Continue to strive when there is nothing left really to give?
Or do I
Say to the world again "I can do this" and try harder and harder and harder and harder
Hells
Am I now dying?
Am I now striving?
I don't want to do this anymore

Short Story

Yesterday I came back from my parents home.
And they presented me with my future wife.
Cold tears pour down my cheeks like slow raindrops on window panes.

Not A Creep

Sexy darling
I am just going to watch you sleep
I am not a creep
I am entirely normal
Ha ha
Its funny to think
When you awake you'll be
Shocked to find yourself
Tied to my bed
Hands threaded through ropes of white
Ankles bound by a single knot
And you'll stay here until
Everything about you is forgot
You'll lie here, eyes wide
I will lie beside you and
Stroke your hair
Your long hair
I am not a creep
Tonight I will watch you sleep
Then tomorrow
We'll
Be together for eternity

S O N G

my song is about
something
never before sung
it is the story of angels
ancient when the earth
was young

it is a tale of betrayal
hatred
sorrow and woe
the wolves amongst the sheep are plenty
the shepherd will
never know

Gareth.

I'm thinking about my brother.

He lies at rest in the ground.
I'm thinking about him
The saying
"Even the lost can be found."

Found alright
In the dead of night
With the moon rising high
Into the cloudy sky
And my father
Our father

He walked to your room
Slowly I presume
And found you still there
In peace and at peace
Resting.

I'll never know you, brother,
But let's say for now
That if you were alive
We'd get on somehow
Even though I am a girl
And there's another boy else
My brother
We'll know each other
When I join you in heaven.

Princess

I will
Hold onto you

I mean
You're a princess
And I'm a pirate
But this feeling is
Overwhelming

Who are you
To say "it cannot be this way"
Who are you
To say "you do not want this life"
Who is it that
Can say
"They cannot be together"
Who?

Hells have fire
My heart feels as if
It is on fire
For you girl,
For you

I wrap my arms around you
We lie together in the canopy of my bed
And dream of a world
Where we can be

Marry you?
I do not know.
Be your oath-bound?
It can be so.
Be your king, my queen?
I'd rather it snow
In summer
In the depths of this summer
Paradise summer

Wrap yourself around me
Be at one with me
I am yours
At least my heart and sword is
Battles cannot daunt me now
Nor the tempests that plague the seas
They are
Just shadows
I can do
Anything for you

Because I am a fucking pirate
Your a fucking princess
Heiress
Queen
And I'm sure
One day
I'll die because of you.

Change

You came into my life as swiftly as the wind changes direction.
You brought with you flowers and rushing emotions I cannot comprehend.
You are beauty I never thought I would ever see in my entire existence
Yet here you are, angel, here you are.
When did you get here from the skies above?
Did you see the earth, then fall in love?
What gave you wings to flutter from on high?
I don't understand, cannot comprehend- why is this, why?

Strut

pop pop pop
and you are down
round
upside down
give me eight and appreciate
me
hop to the left
now spin
and
frolick and speak
words
how
absurd

Lay of the Weeper

The last one shall stand upon this precipice
It will call out into the wilderness
A shout of peace
Eyes closed and arms raised aloft
The last human on earth will stand
And call out in pain.

He will be called the weeper of sorrows
The one who was left behind
Despite his pain
And over-riding his desires
The one will have a name of truth
And it will be "the Weeper"

You and ...

I, I, I,
Just want you to be happy.
I, I, I,
Just want you to be you.
I, I, I,
Don't want to see tears of sorrow
Pouring out,
Streaming out,
Crying out
From your eyes.

I ...
Just want to protect you
From
Everything.

Love you

Down down down
I am sinking down
I am drowing here in this tsunami
You brought me here
I am dragging myself back
Down down down
I am sinking into black

Fade fade away
Take me away
You could hit me as many times
As you fucking like
And I would take every blow
Fade fade away
I am going astray

Beat beat beat
I will take every beat
You own my very dear heart
I gave it to you
I will suffer every
Beat beat beat
And curl up in defeat

But forever I will love you

Everything

When is your life not your own?
When you are in bed,
When you are all alone?
Take on the world, can you,
Take on the dreams?
When everything
Is not what it seems.

Knowing

You see the thing is I know who I am.
I know where I am going -- at least today-- I know who I am meeting, what I am skiing roughly what time I will be eating, picking up, going home.
I am like a fairy. I'm a flitterer and I rest. Then I get up again. I am me.
I know things. But basic things.
Is that so wrong?

Hello.

Sequel to "Goodbye."

There was a time not so long ago when I could have conquered the world.
Or, at least, that is what it felt like.
If someone had placed a sword in my hand I believe I could have smite a dragon.
If someone had given me the time and money I believe I could have saved the princess.
If someone had placed within me their undying trust then I believe I could have come home, victorious, on the back of a white steed and married her, in the end. That girl, that princess.
But no longer.
Now the worst day of my life is over and I look into the future.
The sun dawns, I watch it dawn.
And I bow to it and say "hello".
Yesterday the me who was a boy, young and breaking hearts wherever he went, died.
Today a man awoke.
And he bows, and says, "hello".
Later on today I might ascend my horse. He is not white, but rather sorrel, and has a lurching gait. But I might ride over hill and valley, facing the wind and closing my eyes and trying to let all the worries of the world pass.
But I cannot.
I still think. Of you. And how I ruined your world. Ruined your life.
And for that I can never forgive myself.
I am me. You are you. And we will never be.
I could spend years writing an apology, but that will not work. Instead I will remember that it was me who broke your heart, it was me who let you go. And I will turn from this place and face the sun and say "hello".
I will say "hello" future, "hello" world. I will try to forget the one I was in love with, even though you were not her and try to rebuild everything.
Piece by crumbling piece.
I will fail.
Then face the sun again, and say "hello".

Goodbye.

I hope one day you can forgive me.
I did this for the sake of us. Not "us" in sense of you and I, or her and I, but "us" in the sense of us all, as individuals.
I hope one day, in the future, you can forgive me.
Maybe, in the next few days, I will be broken and blue.
Maybe, in the next few days, I will have only half my teeth.
Maybe, in the next few days, I will lose an eye.
But after these next few days the world will spin again and you will move on.
Without me.
And I can stare through the frosted glass of your living room window, thinking about the woman I have left at home, the one I was forced to marry at the age of sixteen, the foreign heiress who only wants my title and my family, her money.
And I will see you, with another man, happy, and I will think about how perhaps I made it so.
And you will have a daughter, and you will have a son, and you will have a happy family.
A happy home.
You will have love.
You will have found love.
As I believed I did. As I believe I still may have.
And then I left it dead in the snow as you began to steal my heart, piece by piece.
But I never told you so. Instead, I let you go, and you went.
And now I will let her go.
Let you both go.
As I melt into the snow.
Its over now, the dance of the heartbreak is done.
I will see you in the netherworld.
Allehrayne,
Goodbye.

Reply to her Obituary

Zoltan to Marime about Eira

I miss you so much
I'd rather I'd never had
A heart at all
But then
What would be gained?
How could I have
Survived at all?
He says, "Love is weakness"
I say, "It is strength"
So my sweet, do not hate me
As I learn to love
Somebody else.

Broken Burns

From James to Cecily.

I wouldn't mind
If you wanted to burn me again.
I wouldn't mind
If you wanted to make it rain
In my heart
Where it began
If you wanted, there,
To make it snow.

Take it all, take it all,
Take my heart and take my soul.

I wouldn't care
If you wanted it to be me dead.
I wouldn't care
If you wanted me to never have been instead.
To give me pain,
For your own gain,
Abusing me, hitting me
Again and again and again.

Take it all, take it all,
Take my heart and take my soul.

It is all yours anyway.

Dancing On Vocal Chords

Let it be known
that I am here but not here
I am there but not there
I am a star but not shining
Let it be known.
Over sea and over sky
let them dance in the never-ending sky
let them say my name with reverence
and shout
"she is here but not here
she is there but not there
she is a star but not shining"
Let them sing
that your voice is astounding
tilt your mouth to the heavens and shout
let your vocal chords flout
the fact you have a voice.
Let them sing.
That you are here but not here
that you are there but not there
that you are a star
and you are shining
brighter than any other

Man and Woman

There was a man in the mirror
His eyes were made of amber
His teeth were made of gold
And on his fingers - glinting
Shone countless silver rings

There was a woman beside him
Her hair was black like jet
She had a pearl in her ear
And not a soul could be - hoping
To be like her in any way

They rode across the fields by night
On two fine grey palfry steeds
And glancing at one another
They nodded, danced - then kissed
And continued their way, prancing

Can Not

Take me by my heart strings

And pull

Push shudder stretch and sting

This is your recreation

The destruction of my soul

Truss me up like a parcel

Send me to oblivion

And to the void

Which suck

Takes me and reduces me to nothing

Death goes 

And comes and likes

And desires, wants

It chokes and burns and throttles

"You cannot stop me"

It says

"You cannot end me

I will come"

You will come and burn my insides

Reach your hand 

Into my gullet

And pull

Shudder 

Rip and 

Blood everywhere

Chunder split and smash

We are the generation who will suffer

Take

Take me back to that time
When we dined on honey
Take me back to that place
Where all you wanted was to love me
Take me back all the way
Back to where I was royalty
Take me with you when you leave
And let me bloom like a flower.

Just Back

JUST
kill me smite me
smother me in chocolate
eat my toes then burn my face
have your way, make me sweet
shame me
hate me
tell me I am worthless
tell the world I have gone to my grave

BACK
and I am here
alive again and living
fruitful and able to give the world
all I can

I just want to die

stab stab stab
rip out my heart intentionally
and eat it bleeding from a steak knife
bleed bleed bleed
leave me to rot like corpses
breaking my bones
selling my throne
to see a thousand faces
screaming
dying
burning
breaking
hate hate hate
hate me until they burn me
consume all my goodness
and leave them to dictate to me
run run run
run until your feet bleed
let the man come knocking at my door
and leave me
to die

China

Creeping sleeping
Weeping
You break me in pieces
All these releases
Are not suffice to say
To stay
Away
Stray
Or go and speak
And know you are weak
Arise into a new creation
Sensation
Pieces
Cracked china doll walking over a precipice
Crack splinter crack
Crush

Beat

Beat me father til I'm black as night
As black as your heart
With all your might
Tear me down then build me up
Out of shadows construct me again
Like the crows wing
Like ravens brain
Harsh hark and save her soul,
make her beautiful
Let her stay whole.

Dark

Dark
Through blue yonder shift
Shudder
And turn this diversion into desire
Perspire
And say that today is just
Another day
Hark
They call and shatter and crumble
Speak
Knowing that this wake is sleeping
Your eyes
Are soft like morning dew

Post temptation

When you are stuck
No way back
It's like
Sinking sand
And you have - f**k
Ran out of luck
You're going down down
To the ground
And you melt
To be smelt
Into something rich and strange
A sea change, lover, a sea change
Its bemusing
How confusing things get
When you are stuck
Overwhelmed
Condemned
And marvellously becoming
A surprise
Don't devise
Your demise, lover,
Stay alive
For me
And just be free
Forever we are meant to take
A bite of the apple
And live

final hell

the whispering genome
the final blog
these are words of righteousness
written as a log
the last goodbye
the dancer's farewell
the heavens shall burst open
and release hell
the dead shall rise
the blind might see
one day the naked doll might dress
out of her nudity
but until then
but until that day
dancing on the Platonic cave wall
letting lives go astray
tarnished words
an ending song
this world might now be ending
but it won't be long
until the people sing
until they dance
and stop to come out of
this bloody trance

Take me

That time
Some time
Waiting time
It will happen
Take me
Ensnare me
Make me
It will come
I am coming to you
may all that you do
Be merry and bright and gay
Frighten the ghosts
Lay down the fore posts
Lead the beggars astray
Save me succubus
From the toils
Save me from the strife
Come and un sex me here
Take me as your wife

Iron

We hunkered down by the side of a gigantic iron tube, the sort one found washed up on beaches or used in the foundations upon building sites. Malory giggled as I tried to find a comfortable place to lean back on but the curved surface made it difficult. I grunted, Smith glared at me, then Malory gave up to stand, dance, then stroll over to the other end of the tube and crawl inside.

"Dry!" He proclaimed, proudly. I blinked at Smith. He rolled his eyes, then nodded, stood up himself and gestured with the barrel end of his pistol.

"Up," he ordered, and I stood up. "In," he growled, and I yawned as I stepped away from the iron tube, followed the footsteps of Malory and made my way inside.

Smith came close behind. Very close. Malory grinned at him, then came to me, took my hands gently in his own and guided me to the curving side, up and around it until I could stand comfortably no longer and had to watch as he went on and climbed straight up the side. Straight up, until he was upside down and laughing.

I raised an eyebrow. The circular end of the barrel was prodded into the small of my back. I tried to growl in protest but Smith's hand cupped itself over my mouth.
I mumbled, then fell silent and waited.

Save yourself

Change me from the inside to the out
Stomp a little and then pout
Say you're sorry scream and shout
Don't worry honey
The truth will out

Hangman

Take one take two and then stop
Go before you come to the final drop
Sweep the street behind you please
Bow your head get onto your knees
Then the axe blade chop chop chop
Your eyes will widen then you'll mop
Mop your own blood with your hair
They won't see anymore they won't care

Conqueror

f**k me

it is me 

staring back at me 

in the mirror

foresaker

hater 

traitor

this is me

f**k me 

how can it be

incredibly 

I am this damn person

reach for my knife

take it in my hand

stroke

release flesh

I feel alive

let me

scrape across your skin

and make you

whole again

I am the truth

I am beauty

hopes 

dreams everlasting

in this way I will conquer everything

Faith

Faith
Like a fire in my belly
In my gut
Slut
Smut
Im dying to meet you

Smash

Smite my bones
Make me your clone
Reduce me to ash
And then shatter slash
All my hopes and dreams
Make me seem
Completely sweetly invisible
Indivisible with your
Brain

This world is dying, is death

Caffiene
I am insane
going this way that way forwards backwards
ott and out of the rain into the rain and out again
I am insane
FIRE
hailstones clobber me in three pieces
a three piece suit
can't stand against this onslaught
of bitterness
Take me
undress unsex me here
long legged pelicans ride into the night
and dream
of better days
Sleep
my friend
Sleep and know you are not alone
let me go into the rain
to be insane
I have no gain but to
never trust you
again.

Sun

I live in the sun.
Its not the most comfortable of environments. Everything is constantly changing, there is no stable ground, if you need to go you go directly into ... It so it s not very hygienic. Overall it is hot and gasy on the sun and the light is very odd.
On earth the sun gives light and life. It creates night and day and chlorophyll and bacteria and so on. It makes things green and white and yellow and gives deserts and the poles. But the sun us very different. Instead it us the light, evening is up lit. Odd and confusing and bizarre. Sometimes I want to scream.
But I dont. Because it is warm on the sun. I can feel the centre of the solar system at least, which is something. I don't need to be paranoid. Not at all.
No. I just need to stay alive.

They

They take
You make
Up
Your mind
One of a kind
You
Unwind
Don't mind
Inside
Its a sanctuary.

On the train.

On the train
In the rain
Its a shame
I can't contain
My excitement.

Not just

Not just a writer
I'm a fighter
A bloody two dollar
Dressed in drab alighter
Come on let me
Hold up miter
I'll suffer and hurt and
I'll duly falter.
I'm a fighter
Not just a writer
Scriber scribbling dribbling
Red getting whiter
Bloody and diseased
I'll do as I please
Now let me fighter
And be a writer

Musing

People say if you want a phone, buy a phone don't carry around a fancy smarty typing internet-connecting weird tablet thing.
I reply that this isn't a phone. Its not even a smart phone. Its a mini genius piece of Google.

Foetus

Curled into a ball.
I feel safe.
Like I am back inside my mother's womb,
Safe from harm
Protected from doom.
Innocent and young,
Not older and mad,
I could not feel pain, fear, anything - sorrowful or glad.
Now years old I am good
A little worried
A little misunderstood.
Foetus
I am small and alone
I am young again
Free to breathe and be at peace
Through the sun and the rain
All pain can, shall, will
Cease. 

This is my Grandfather.

This is, my Grandfather.

A man, not unlike
The Colossus of Rhodes.
Standing astride entire gateways,
Bordering metropoli
Bearing megaliths
Becoming monuments
To the sacred history of
Everything.

This is my Grandfather.

A genius with
Unquestionable, exquisite taste.
A Da Vinci of our era,
Creating masterpieces
Counting memories
Carving mysteries
From the entirety of the rest of
Everything.

This is my Grandfather.

A man who lived
Like there was no tomorrow.
Surviving then to live now,
Weaving narratives
Writing nuances
Warring nemesises
Defending us all from the dangers of
Everything.

This is my Grandfather.

Who was and is
Many things and more.
He was Atlas, Odin, Odysseus,
Traversing continents
Talking compliments
Timing coordinates
He was perfect in almost
Everything.

dedicated to my grandfather, Died 12/01/2013

Dearest Harpy Celeno

How could I know
How far it would go
That you were the one
To steal my soul?

I saw you then
First where, first when
And you looked right back
At me at ten

I've never lied
But I have sighed
And told of your face
To some who've cried

And I won't go
I'll never say no
I'll always come back
To you, although

I've got a few
Others, its true
Some more lovers, but
It's always you

Who I'll return
Full of concern
For you, and in my heart,
I'll always yearn

Yearn to be stone
So I can go on
Forever and ever, by you,
For my heart is won

Dear Harpy, please
Take this moment, sieze,
My warm alive hand and
Smile, be at ease

Know you have won
This heart, this one,
This piece of human, me
As all else will be gone

All will fade again
To dust and rain
But you will forever
Remain the same

Cast in marble,
I can't but marvel
At your beauty, so absurd,
And so I'll grovel

And beg you to take
Me away, for my sake
And for yours, for I am yours
This is no mistake. 

Sea

I will go down to the sea, my love,
My love, I will down to the sea.
And I shall ascend a small boat, my love,
And drift my way out to sea.

And lonely I shall be, my love,
My love, oh how lonely I shall be.
As I drfit away in my small boat, my love,
Drifting out across the wide cold sea.

And there will be whales, my love,
My love, there will be whales.
As big, as vast, as wide as the earth, my love,
Swimming between my boat and the sea.

And onwards I shall sail, my love,
My love, onwards I shall sail.
Until it comes to mind to turn back, my love,
I will ride with the fish and the whale.

And the wind shall carry me on, my love,
My love, the wind shall carry me on,
'Til I come to an island of ash and rock, my love,
Where the natives worship the moon and sun.

And I shall meet a dragon there, my love,
My love I shall meet a dragon there.
And he shall burn the world, my love,
And leave no one to spare.